I was cleaning up my room today and saw this journal entry/ blog draft I never published last yea. It was dated Oct 28, 2022 and I felt guided to share! Not only is this basically just about a year old, I’ve been seeing more than few butterflies for about a week now…. this writing seemed so fitting… a little vulnerable but fitting. Maybe someone can relate.
I went for a walk today. I felt like I needed to shake some shit off. The colored leaves are on the ground now. Feelings of fall are definitely in the air. I’ve been in my head. I feel like I need to pull this last string of confusion, out of my mind. I feel so close to the feeling of accomplishment and joy, but not quite there. I just can't stand the feeling of confusion, so today I took a long walk.
Anddd there it was!
I think I know what happened now. A memory of an old failure popped up, yet I'm looking at it like a champ. Yes, a lot of mistakes, but I learned to take better action steps now. So I’m walking back to the house. I crossed the street... walked a few steps forward, to find my eyes zoom in on a butterfly in the middle of the sidewalk. It wasn't moving. I kneeled down and lightly touched its wing. It moved slowly. I immediately looked at all the leaves on the ground. I picked the closest one up and used it to scoop the butterfly off the ground... unknowingly caring for this monarch butterfly as if it was a hurt person. I moved it on the grass so no one would step on it. I wasn't sure what to do with it. I stared at it, moving a little more, than hovered my hand over it to send it some love. I walked away a bit saddened and confused as to why I felt like this for that butterfly. Maybe I was attaching my current feelings to the poor little thing. I deeply yearned for change! Yet what I needed was patience, because I've acknowledged I really have changed. Its been NOTHING BUT CHANGE, left and right, up and down, and all around, for these past 2 years that have felt like 3 months! But naaaah, I have changed A LOT though... on the inside.
I just experienced a whole 6month ancestral healing program… something that ground breaking and ground shaking has to be transformational, right?! I can feel the change inside, but I guess its more of a frustration with my environment not changing. Like am I not aligned with what I’m trying to call in? Maybe it could be because I'm too focused on money... I mean rent isss due soon tho! But it's not about that, it's really about sitting my butt down long enough to write and draw. Joy and satisfaction is what I truly desire. Why do I think I can't have it tho?????
The hurt butterfly was still on my mind when I got in the house, then I saw this image (in my minds eye) of me writing in a book. It felt like the stories I've been holding inside me for who knows how many years.
What's really stopping me?
Maybe I just don't believe I can do it.
"I see you writing, creating some type of project thats very important to you… it will transform your life", said this priestess woman I used to know.
She appeared from a class i took to learn how to control my gift (that turned out bogus), but I met her from it. She was cool and was only in my life for a few months.
She introduced me to the spiritual meaning of feathers, and why I was seeing so many angel numbers. She told me a lot of things, yet the only thing that really stuck with me, back then, was that I needed to be strong and trust myself. That was damn near 10 years ago. I don't think I really believed her, maybe not as much as I needed to believe in myself. But I heard her clear as day in that moment... and then thought:
The hurt butterfly.
A few days after seeing that butterfly, I wrote a poem…
[which I will save for you all another post, because I want to finish my drawing, inspired from the words]
Stay tuned for more!
More stories… More art… More magickal intuitive sparkly stuff! I have some exclusive stuff coming!
Just sit tight and remember….
Burn bright, don’t burn out 🔥✨️💖
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